They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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