I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize