Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
