so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
