kristin has been a bad kristin
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
