I only kidnapped one of them. chill
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
