It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
