my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
