Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Redeem this text for a blowjob
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
