I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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