and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
