I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
