no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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