At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's great music for shaving your balls
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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