That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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