He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
