We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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