I am spending my child support on dildos
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
