I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
