Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I cockslap morals
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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