made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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