I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
