You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize