That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
