it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
