Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
