I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
