Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
