I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize