You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
