I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
