after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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