we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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