Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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