there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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