Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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