Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize