her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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