of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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