i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
from now on my penis is your penis
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
