Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
