After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
