So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this will be a night to untag.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
