Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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