bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
