Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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