You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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