I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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