so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
