I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize