What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
