at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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