I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
