He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I forget how to act sober
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
