I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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