he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We are two peas in an std pod
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
