I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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