i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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