I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
