Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
