She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my sisters under your porch take her home
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
