We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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