I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
