We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
