life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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