If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
