Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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