i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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