Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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